Fandom etc

[emmzzi]

Apologies, I have been adjusting security settings on my LJ. If you are on the flocked list it is because I know you in RL and trust you to be kind with my thoughts. This is an open post.

These are not the opinions of the concom. And that is ok because I will not be concom-ing again for quite some time.

So, things I have been reflecting on this morning.

- The bully doesn't get to decide if they are bullying, as a point of general order. The victim does. Always.

- If you are going to insult me you should spell my nom de plume right.

- Actually, trying hard is a good thing. Not trying at all is a bad thing. While we wait for perfection, I will take progress.

- If you are going to criticise a thing you should understand and make clear what that thing is. The trademark? The concom? The members? The panellists? I am not sure I should have to explain "Conventions 101" for people too lazy to educate themselves, or too idle to express their thoughts clearly.

- Emily Pankhurst didn't get anywhere being a keyboard warrior or throwing popcorn from the sidelines. I don't believe Ghandi's modus operandi was moaning a lot or using other's pain to make quasi amusing remarks at the expense of others. If you don't like it, get off your arse and change it. The world is full of people in the "happy to complain" category. Talk is cheap.

Finally, I did enjoy helping to run the event. The vast majority of people were lovely, alerted us to any issues, and let us help them. I acquired a new badger. There was good conversation. I was especially hopeful about some of the plans we have for women in fandom. And although I am annoyed with a small contingent and how they express themselves (note: not the views themselves, and frankly I believe tone debates ARE worth having), I intend to follow through, because I know so many articulate, intelligent women with so much to contribute. They deserve their voice and our world will be richer for it.

Thank you to the small troop of volunteers who made the event run so well and, I believe, be the most inclusive, and most aware, to date, building on the foundations of the events before us.

Now go watch Keith's video again. We can all be amazing. And we can all be excellent to each other.

Em

Comments

[coth.livejournal.com]

The power of the written word to hurt is extraordinary. Please take a virtual hug, or whatever will comfort and support you.

You already know, and it may be no consolation, but this kind of thing is endemic when you do things. That was true and is true and will probably remain true while we are human and need to make mistakes to learn.

Was it a small group of volunteers? The normal ratio at an Eastercon is around a quarter to a third of attending members.

Thank you for a splendid con. You have set a high bar for future concoms to match you. I am sure they will rise the challenge too.

[emmzzi.livejournal.com]

You are right. At least 2 troops and maybe 3!

http://secondworldwar.co.uk/index.php/army-sizes-a-ranks/86-army-units-a-sizes

[dougs.livejournal.com]

Awareness of where we're not doing it right, willingness to try to get closer to doing it right next time, honest discussion about how to do so, are all good things. And they're all things that I've seen this weekend, as is a great deal of actually getting things right.

Some of the other stuff you mention hasn't been what I'd hoped to see... but people are people, and it takes time.

In one of my other lives, we have a certain number of standard lectures full of good advice. One of the lectures includes the words "... Suffice it to say that what you see praiseworthy in others you are expected carefully to imitate, and what in them may appear to you defective you should, in yourselves, amend". At Eastercon I found a lot of conduct I would hope to imitate.

[emmzzi.livejournal.com]

you are as ever wise dougs. And more patient than I. I shall seek to emulate.

[dougs.livejournal.com]

Oh, and in case I haven't said it often enough yet, I had a very very good time at an astonishingly good Eastercon.

[alexmc.livejournal.com]

> The bully doesn't get to decide if they are bullying, as a point of general order. The victim does. Always.


I have a clarification to the statement because (of course) things are complicated. For many years I was told (in secret) that I was doing what amounted to bullying. I never understood what it was that I had done as it was never explained to me. I lived in fear of accidentally "bullying". Some years later I learnt that this sort of accusation was a common feature of abuse. At the time I believed that I was hurting another person because I was told it by the "victim".

Sounds a bit fucked up right. Is there a solution? Probably not but I think that two steps are vital:

1) Communication in front of an audience. Person V says Action A is hurting them and thus bullying behaviour from B. If it is all done in private then there is no incentive for anyone to change.
2) Easy separation or isolation. If the victim claims bullying then society around them should believe them enough to take pragmatic measures - ie if a victim claims they are being bullied by someone then the two people should probably be kept apart.

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More in a sec

[alexmc.livejournal.com]

I have totally missed the events which caused you to post this. I have to say that Eastercon was well run in my opinion and apart from personal issues I had a good time

[alexmc.livejournal.com]

> I am annoyed with a small contingent and how they express themselves (note: not the views themselves, and frankly I believe tone debates ARE worth having),

I'd like to know more about this if you are up for talking or writing about it.

I note that quite a few people I know (myself included) may not be able to always conduct a persuasive argument - even when they are right. Sometimes the issues (particularly feminist issues) are so sensitive that people get angry from their own history rather than the matter at hand.

[alexmc.livejournal.com]

grammar, wherefore art thou

[emmzzi.livejournal.com]

Well when the replies are mainly "fuck off", tone matters...in fact, irrespective of the merits of your arguement, you lose when your debate is so angry, you only feel the emotion, not the logic. Unless you are talking only to people who only decide things on emotion. Which is rare.

My belief is that it is not enough to say "I am being oppressed and I will let you guess how to fix it." And to go a step further and insult people for not knowing how, is unproductive.

It is ok to say "I am tired of this discussion, the internet has resources."

It is ok to say "I am tired and I will talk another time."

It is not ok to say "you are stupid, I don't work with idiots" etc.

Because if you are not actively fixing it, with people who genuinely are open to improving things, you're part of the problem.

That doesn't mean you have to DO everything, but it does mean you need to be really clear about who you think owns the problem; what you believe needs to be done about it; and how you would know if it had got better.

It means acknowledging improvement. Because if I have to be perfect to get a break, I'm not even going to start.

I have heard what I believe to be nonsense from people about the feminism this weekend. From people I genuinely like, who I believe mean no malice, but who have not lived the life of the woman in the male dominated world.

Yelling at them will simply entrench their position. Refusing to educate (and yes, I know that's a "derailing for dummies" classic but it depends on MOTIVE) will not help matters progress. Calling them idiots when clearly they are not, they simply have not shared experiences or in some cases know there IS a problem, is a product of their environment. Which is not to say it can remain the status quo. But a giant circle of blame isn't going anywhere.

Sometimes you have to stop yelling and start doing; because the good of all is more important than your anger.

[alexmc.livejournal.com]

Well said.

The specific issue I want to tackle is that "Feminism 101" is not well communicated to people and is treated by feminists as if everyone magically knows it. It is called "Feminism 101" because it is the course that everyone needs to go to first of all when they are starting to learn the subject.

One should not be surprised that people who do not consider themselves feminists don't know what is on that mythical course. It doesn't make them bad persons just to be ignorant and not have the same experience as you.

[tonyn.livejournal.com]

I don't know that there is any Feminism 101 that would help, beyond that women need to be respected & feel respected.

I have a few women friends who identify themselves as feminist, and they clearly have a diverse range of opinions about many issues.

I can hear the egg shells I'm stepping on begin to crack ... shhh!

[emmzzi.livejournal.com]

in my experience some of the men I work with are so accustomed to behaving in a certain way they are unaware it shows a lack of respect.

[tonyn.livejournal.com]

Yes, and that is a hard problem for any convention to fix.

A possibly more general problem is that panel discussions with a Q&A make up a substantial part of an Eastercon programme, but it can be very hard to run them so that panellists all leave feeling that they have had a fair chance to be heard. For example here's a very interesting panel discussion with five knowledgeable astronomy people from last year's TAM, about the near future of space flight: http://io9.com/5851956/must-watch-bill-nye-neil-degrasse-tyson-pamela-gay-and-lawrence-krauss-discuss-our-future-in-space

Whilst Neil deGrasse Tyson is a great scientist & outreach person in many ways, he keeps talking over the other panellists most especially in this case Pamela Gay. Ideally the moderator would tell him to (shut-up &) wait his turn. (No disrepect meant to Phil Plait but he clearly did not respond to the problem at the time.)

[emmzzi.livejournal.com]

a couple of options spring to mind.

one is more assertive moderation

the other is to give other panellists a symbol eg everyone puts on a cowboy hat, when one person dominates. audience laughs, situation diffused. People quickly learn not to be "hatted"

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

A remark IRL this morning: "Is it that I don't see [specific problem] because I'm a man and thus don't need to fight this fight ever?" YES. YES IT IS. Hoorah. We can get there, eventually, man by man...

(Context was a discussion of the concept of "mediocre women [writers]" and why women will/won't volunteer for things, following the - excellent - gender parity panel and resultant conversations. Some interesting thoughts on perfection and mediocrity and how images of both relate to/are shaped by gender came up. narenek's got good ideals, even if there are huge male/white privilege areas of blindness to get past too!)

[davidbrider.livejournal.com]

I don't know what's happened exactly, but...sounds nasty. From my perspective this year's EasterCon was an enjoyable experience, and my thanks go to all involved, yourself included. I tend to appreciate fandom as a whole, and the convention experience as a part of that, as being something of a safe space environment, and it rather saddens me to think that anyone has been doing anything to upset that for anyone else. (I hope that I'm not someone who has been involved in upsetting things for anyone...)

[emmzzi.livejournal.com]

I cannot speak for the world but you have not upset me :) And I am glad you had a good time!

I agree. Many of us are working hard on safe spaces. I do not want to see those efforts go unrecognised because the world is not completely safe yet. Progress. Progress is a Good Thing.

[gaspodia.livejournal.com]

My personal stance is that I feel no obligation or desire to communicate with or respond to someone who feels she has "unlocked an achievement" by upsetting someone.

I am a human being *first* and everything else second. That means my humanity and that of every other person is more important to me than any issue that might affect me personally such as race, disability etc. Toxic posts from those who don’t “get” the humanity thing get filed under fandom wank and stay there until their author has unlocked the humanity achievement.

[emmzzi.livejournal.com]

I'm hoping she is young and will learn. But upsetting the fanbase is not, I believe, a way to further your career.

[gaspodia.livejournal.com]

I can only maintain three grudges at a time and as all three slots are currently occupied, I am very likely to forgive and forget if an apology is forthcoming. Everyone deserves the chance to learn from their mistakes and move on if they are in turn willing to acknowledge them and make reparations.

[fjm.livejournal.com]

A lovely post.

My besetting sin is forgetting that there are people at the receiving end of my political action. I did it twice this weekend, and apologised but I need to learn not to do it,

A great con.

[emmzzi.livejournal.com]

You take action. You do, not complain. That make all the difference. And I learn from you and use it in other spheres of my life. Everything is connected.

I am glad you enjoyed the event.

[fjm.livejournal.com]

Thank you darling. You were wonderful on the panel by the way Patrick Neilsen Hayden called me over to say how very impressed he was by all the participants.

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

I will vouch for that 'impressed' - I was sitting next to him and nwhyte throughout. I was really pleased with all the audience response I heard - and by the balance too.

[kalypso-v.livejournal.com]

Incidentally, can't remember if you were there when Caroline Mullan came into Ops to say she knew a well-run con when she saw one and this was one?

[emmzzi.livejournal.com]

I was. And it was very nice feedback for us all to have!

[tonyn.livejournal.com]

Thank-you Olympus 2012 for a very good and enjoyable con.

(I thanked some of the con-com in person or by email, but I should do so publicly as well.)

I bought a few minor issues to Ops & the morning Feedback sessions, and that always felt like a positive thing to do.

[altariel.livejournal.com]

You ran an amazing, wonderful, vibrant convention. Grateful thanks and loads of hugs.

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

The parts of the con I was at were most excellent in the main. Thanks for being excellent.

Thank you again for hooking me up with a hotel room too.